#18 Free write: WTF

Wtf i was pretty pissed of today since i'm starting to fall back in my studies. I know im not trying hard to catch up but sor some reason everytime I want to or have to do something i just lose the feeling to acoplish anything. I'm slacking off alot and procratinating. Im even just about to doze of in English sometimes even for no absalute reason. I know all i have to do i listen and understand but my brain unconsauisly is shutting off as if im tired. But the funny thing is i'm not even close to tired when i first came to class. I guess i still ihave issue to work out with. If it's affecting the way i think and my actions. I can't even control how much i spend in a day anymore. Just yesterday i spent like 40$ on food and snaks. NOw i only have like 10$ to spend for lunk and breck. I spend majority of my lunch money on useless and not that important junk foods. I'm aware of my actions but i don't know why i continue to them still. So.... It feels like im losing control..... Of my life and i can't even feel that happy anymore as i used to when i first came back to school this year. I was really happy and somewhat out going. Not im just...hardly feeling like a hard worker, i'm tired during after school, im coming late to school and i don't feel much happinness in my life inside and out of school areas and scocial life. I don't really know what to do at the momemnt i might just think it over when i get home or something... I nneed to figure out why i feel this way. I acutally wanted to ask genser to today to ask if i can get peeer conouler. So i can just talk about letting whats on my mind and i feel. The problem with peer conlours is that they aren't really sappose to give you advice or give you a straight answer. They might also act wierd when you see them walking towards you since you talk to them about you issues. I don't know..... I think the problly the way to find my happiness again is to blow some steam off and think it over. I read something about guys sometimes need to blow some steam off by being alone, it's really effective wrote the article i read. So i know that helps and i hope it works out today when i do it. Just to sit in my room and meditate for awhile to clear my thoughts of the outside world and to breath in and out slwoly to slow down my heart rate.